Progress

One of my pet projects is to reduce the number of extra tasks I take on because I tend to "feel unworthy to the point of 'over achieving' just to feel like I'm earning my keep."

I've been doing this passively, by not taking on new things unless I'm absolutely invested in doing them and will gain some personal enjoyment or satisfaction from doing them. I've been figuratively sitting on my hands, lest they raise themselves involuntarily to take on new assignments.

This has been helpful in the sense that I'm only mildly overcommitted instead of being completely buried by outside commitments. However, by doing this I'm still not convincing myself that "I'm good enough as I am."

I've recently made baby steps towards that goal.

The head of a local non-profit where I volunteer some of my time, recently mentioned to me how completely swamped one of the key staff members is by his responsibilities. They casually mentioned how in years previous, some of the volunteers would step-up and help out a couple of hours a day. What a big help it would be, they indicated, if someone could help out with this responsibility even a few days a week.

Mentally, I took three steps back, lest someone thought I was stepping forward to take that on. Not only would that be a significant time commitment, but it would be doing work I wouldn't enjoy. Not one bit.

I took a deep breath and said as calmly and matter of factly as I could muster, "I can't make that kind of commitment."

Guess what?

The answer was accepted and not argued or debated! The organization head is still talking to me and friendly to me! My other, more minor contributions are still valued! I haven't been banned! The earth continues to spin on its axis!

Maybe, just maybe, I am good enough as I am.